I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Everything about him screamed your future.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
