If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
