I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
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I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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