I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
