It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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