Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
