is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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