after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
