The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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