Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
