im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize