You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The Olympian is in my bed
It's not a walk of shame if you run
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
