my sisters under your porch take her home
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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