i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
