I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
