Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
