you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
