Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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