So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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