i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
