i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
