Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
