dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
