the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
