Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
