We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
