4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
