Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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