You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
