glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
