I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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