you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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