there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
