Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You smell like stripper and shame
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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