then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
