remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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