Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
