I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
