So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
