i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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