my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
dude. I can hear the air.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
