I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
