Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
