End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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