Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
