can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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