would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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