Someone shit on the floor
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
