I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
