i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
