Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
