Walk of Shame today included voting.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
