even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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