I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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