Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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