Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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