i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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