I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
