I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
