I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
