I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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