she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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