did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
