OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
