his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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