I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
