Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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