my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
