very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
