Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
