but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
