Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
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I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
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I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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