You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
God, I missed his penis.
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