I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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