I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
