wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
