I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
