He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
