drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
