I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
