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Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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